oflindentrees

This christmas was kind of a disappointment.
Yet I'll hope for a better one next year.
Back to work for 4 days tomorrow.

Wonder if I'll be doing anything for new years eve?
Hm...

aren't you aware how very depressed and alone I've been...
obviously not.

work is good and pisses me off.

straight A's for the 2nd semester in a row in grad school.

Kresley Cole touring in NOLA in January.

adapting somewhat to apartment life.

I miss my friends.

I miss my wife.

Need to finish christmas shopping.

1. kitchen table
2. 2 additional kitchen chairs
3. wine bar
4. bathroom cabinet
5. over-the-toilet bathroom cabinet
6. additional storage for bathroom if needed
7. bookshelves
8. reading chair
9. table for laptop
10. floral decorations
11. blender
12. lamps
13. christmas tree


that's all i can think of right now.

My name is Lindsay and I like tea parties, swingsets, boardgames, and going to Barnes & Noble;
and, I am wanting to bowl, putt-putt and play some laser tag soon.
Thank you for your time.
I love you good bye! 

Did something wrong.
Hope I don't lose my job over it.

Though is it bad that if I do, I'll probably be happy after I'm upset?
I hate this job anyway.
That's what they get for not caring how people are trained.

All bad little companies get their comeuppance.

 so i threw the phone...at the bookshelf.
it seems im just like most other females on the planet.
the response is not to berate me
and to make me feel like an idiot and a disappointment.
but they again, the older they get, the worse.
it's not to respond with "what's next? you're gonna
get mad and throw your brand new computer?"

"no fuckface, but keep up the talk and i may kill you in your fucking sleep!"

the correct response should be "and did you feel better after you threw it?"
and the answer would be an emphatic "yes, yes it did!"

and guess what, there was a spare one.
and i tested out that otterbox case.
it didnt work.
my screen busted inside.

forcing me to pack up a bunch of my books is one thing
but then treating me like shit when i do because you never
have understood that I am anal and OCD when it comes to my books
and then being just mean....that's called BAD PARENTING!!

I'm too old to be here still.
I can't handle this anymore.
I'm gonna kill someone soon.
--either them or me--
and then where will that put me?
dead or in prison.
neither of which is a win for me, so I'm gonna have to leave soon.

You may not understand, but if I didn't stay in my room most of the time,
I would hate you so much more than I do.  
I would hate you all the time rather than just at specific times.  

 Juice of 1 lemon
1/4 cup of filtered water
handful of spinach
1/2 of a banana
1 cup (more or less) watermelon 
1/2-1 teaspoon of agave nectar/honey/stevia/preferred sweetener

equals deliciousness!!!!

 We have what seems to be a rather large termite infestation at work.  I wonder what will happen when home office realizes it tomorrow.   

I have a half day at work on Wednesday.  Maybe I'll take a nap when I come home...probably not though.

And of course, when I wanted to start running again yesterday, I went and started my period.  I know that it's fine to exercise when on your period, but I don't feel like having my pad get all sweaty and bunchy while I run.  Hopefully it's over quickly, because I'm ready to get back into it.

I've been keeping up with my green smoothies.  And my brother and sister-in-law got me a book called "The Green Smoothie Revolution" for my birthday, which has about 100 pages of just recipes.  I love it!  Mmm Mmm!!  They also got me Portal 2.  I'm pumped about that because otherwise who knows how long it would have been until I got to play it because that shit was $60!

 It's true what they say about getting older.  The body can't bounce back like it used to when you were 20.  I miss not being 20.  I drank a bit more than I should have last night, thanks jaeger, and it caused me to hug the toilet twice last night when I got home, a blew only blood from my nose and burst most of the blood vessels in my face, causing it to puff up and swell.  (thank got makeup covers most of that)  So now I'm sucking down my green smoothie and hoping that I'll be able to get some running in today when I'm not so intensely dizzy.  So in the face of all this, I am not enjoying these aspects of getting older and losing my vitality.  I guess I need to finally give up smoking for good at least.  I mean, last night was the first time I smoked since last Sunday when I had half of one.  I need to improve my health in all aspects of my life.  Eating healthy, working out, drinking green smoothies...they all mean shit if I'm killing myself with the tobacco. 

Also, I took a week off from running this week since my body was crying and beating me for mistreating it while tubing last Sunday.  Today, I plan to get back to it for good.  I will NOT be that person who starts something and quickly gets bored with it and stops soon after starting.  I refuse to be that person.

Oh, and UNO FINALLY took my $50 application fee, so hopefully I'll be getting that acceptance letter from them soon so I can schedule the one class I can since the other one I wanted to take this summer is already full....and I am NOT happy about that.

I'm going to go brush me teeth and catch up on my youtube now.

 


got this at work today.
havent even been there 3 months yet
and this place is putting on an ugly face
quite quickly.


I am unimpressed.
I am disappointed.
Where can I find a workplace
where the bosses treat the adult
employees like just that, ADULTS?

I just don't understand.

Just wish people in this world would for once make me
feel a part of something instead of making me feel like
questioning it every day.  And I fear I'll be questioning
it for the absolute rest of my life.  Pathetic, really.

I start my 8 week training today to become a new and better me.  I've planned an eight week training course of run/walk/jogging to build myself up to becoming a runner.  

I had two slices if white toast with peanut butter about an hour ago.  In another hour or so, I'm going to start my first official workout.  It's very exciting!!  (I really just need a way to listen to my music as i run.  Guess I need to get one of those armbands for my ipod. Yep.

I got my running shorts, my sports bra, my old cut up tshirts and my running shoes and I'm ready to go!

We'll see how I do. 

yea so I slept on it...and I'm still confused.
Guess I just need to sit on it for a few months.
Mind you, I am still on probation for 90 days.
But....I just don't know.

It's like, I want to live a fun, adventurous life.
Working the field and traveling the world still.
Yet, I want a clean, nice job that pays lots of money
so I can buy all that I want and not struggle
in life...and still travel the world.

But is the "business" world right for me?
I still can't decide.
Guess I need more time.

So I've never had this reaction to a job before.  Sometimes I love the job when I start, and the people, and I end up hating it.  I come every day and am just "I love this new job!! It's so fantastic!"  On the other hand, there are numerous jobs I've had that I've come home every day for the first month and cried over how intensely I hated it, namely the bookstore.  But sooner than realized, the job becomes one of the best, I love and adore it and wish I could stay there forever.  Unfortunately, those jobs were the coffee shop and the bookstore...both gone now...sadface. 

And now, I am faced with a dilemma.  I like the people, and the job is easy...despite how they sometimes think I'm a complete moron...but I can deal with that.  Still, I've come home all this week torn between loving it and wanting to cry.  I just don't know what to make of it.  And it doesn't help that I don't ever have any days off.  Work Monday thru Friday and the bank and Saturday and Sunday at the movie theater.  I'm going to burn myself out soon and just disappear.  

Then there's the issue of being almost twenty-six years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I though I knew, than all my graduate schools rejected me, and there went that dream.  Then I thought I'd go with the original plan...and didn't so much get rejected as just ignored....or rather, never contacted.  And now I just keep thinking I don't know how long I'll last in this.  And all I know is that I need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, because I am running out of time...and adulthood is sneaking up on me quick-like.

Futhermore...I'm fucked.  That is all.

I got a new job.
But I still have my old job.
I'll talk about it more tomorrow.
Too tired now.

kthnxluvubuhbye.

Meant to write before the end of 2010, and I missed it by four and a half hours.  Guess I'll just update it now, as the first post of the new year, 2011.

2010 was one of the worst years of my life.  Worse than even 2005, when the hurricane hit and I lost my entire life.  That year was awful.  I lost my job, was unemployed for four months, and got stuck in the worst job of my life.  It's misery and pain. But I did get to do a few movies, and take an awesome trip to Ireland with my closest friends.  I learned much in the way of getting me to some sort of career, read a ton of awesome books, and got my Play Station 3 for Christmas (despite the frustrations from the games).

I have good hopes for 2011.  I hope to get a better job soon.  I hope to become more independent soon.  I hope this year, I can move out of my parents home and get a place of my own.  I hope I can take a nice trip somewhere this summer.  I hope I can get through my best friend moving to another country for an unknown amount of time.  No more being just two hours from her.  Instead it'll be a $1000+ plane ticket to her.  I hope I can meet someone this year.  I hope I can beat the shit out of God of War soon.  I hope I can be happy and never become bored or complacent in life.  I hope I can see a future for myself, career-wise.  I hope I can afford to pay my gas bill, phone bill, insurance (car & health) bills, credit card bill, and maybe even get that new Verizon iPhone when it releases this year.

I have an infinite amount of hopes...and I hope I succeed in just one. 

it's been almost a month and I'm disappointed in myself.
i promise to update you again by this weekend.

I'm not happy.
I'm not happy at work,
I'm not happy at home,
I'm not happy at life.

Work just continues to piss me off more and more.  For once can't I be in a job that shows its appreciation of all my hard work?  Of course not.  And these idiots are all so bad at their jobs.  There is no teamwork, no communication, and no one is ever on the same page.  I am so fed up with everything having to do with this job.  Maybe if I was making a decent salary and had good benefits, etc. it might be some compensations.  But $8.00 an hour is just not worth it for the shit and the idiots I put up with.  These people are so unhappy, and so closed off, and I just miss my old job, where we were friends, and we played around and laughed and appreciated each others hard work.  But no, for now I'm stuck in this shit hole claiming to be a place of employment while my soul slowly festers and dies.

And home...well, it's nice to know that my mother is choosing my sister-in-law, who she's claiming is oh-so-sick (yet she was apparently super sick on Saturday, and was a big giant FAKER!!), to spend the entire day with, when tomorrow is my only day off until next week, thanksgiving is in 2 days, and we had already planned days and days ago to have Tuesday be the day the two of us get a bunch of cooking done.  Instead, she's going to go there and expect me to do all the grunt work alone on my day off while she goes to see the baby (and Kristy).  Then she's gonna spend Wednesday with my Gram cooking stuff I still don't know how to cook while I'm stuck at work all day.  No, no, this doesn't in any way disappoint or upset me.  I always wanted my mother to choose my unappreciative and selfish sister-in-law over me.  And the only reason, because they gave her a grandchild and I'm single and childless.  Not that she would ever admit to any of it...but I know.  I know.

A lesser or paranoid person might think she always comes second because there is always someone that comes first in the lives of every person she knows.  But not me...nope.  I don't think it....I know it.

i hate so many things
but i'll keep them to myself.

running out of money.
apparently overdrew again yesterday.
another $100 I owe capital one
damn!

really could do with a phone call
from that place.
yeah.

so we now have midnight shows
every friday and saturday night
that just sucks.
means i won't get outta work until well after midnigt

and...I'm going to be volunteering at the WWII museum
that will be something fun to do
so I'm not just sitting around bored on some days
maybe it will get me places.
cross your fingers.

think I've fallen in love with AMC
really!
I'm going to go buy a ring and propose soon.

not much impresses me anymore
it just takes a lot to do so
it's kind of difficult to find new things
new interests
when i can't get interested in anything

i rarely watch new TV shows,
or even reruns of old ones.

i read half of a book
and get bored and stop

i never want to do anything
with anyone
because, well, what's the point

I worried about having to work
on HP7 night and all the holidays
and now I just don't care.
If i have to work them all,
then I have to work them all.
money is better than useless family time

and i just want one phone call
one person to give me a fucking chance
a chance to prove that I can be good
something.

ps. love the coon n friends storyline on south park.
      so funny!
kthnxluvubye

jealousy is an ugly thing
and i sometimes have it
and that's unfortunate
but i has my reasons


i buy and buy and buy books
then they all suck.
fail.


i don't know what to do ab it
i want to go, but how to get out of it to go
it's a dilemma.


late at night
and I'm hungry
booo.

got a text from a girl i work with yesterday.
asking if i could work for her this morning
i had no desire to sit in the box office for 6 hours
two days in a row
so i merely just ignored it
figured she would text other people as well
apparently not.

woke up at ab 1pm today
to a missed call from a number i didn't know
which I'm assuming was one of the work numbers
and a text from one of the managers asking if i could come work
they text me at like 11:30 am
(we open at noon)
well, i feel like tell them to go fuck themselves
that's what they get for having so many employees who can only work ab
one day a week
and what about all those redshirts
all those people you've promoted who are supposed to be able to fill any reg role
who most of them can only do their one job
which is not box office
is that my fucking fault?
no, it's not.
here's an idea
take the girl working usher today, who is one of the redshirts who can work box
stick her in their
and you miss manager, get off your ass, stop talking,
and go clean some theaters.

because if you want to string me along
and treat me like and underling
and give me no responsibilities
well...that's who I'm going to be
I have no care of this job.
and I have no care if I leave any of you hanging
I'm merely biding me time until I can get out of there.

thank and goodnight.

damn, forgot to update yesterday.
that's ok, i think I'm doing pretty damn well so far.


so the misery i experienced during my period,
literally lasted for only my period
i started feeling better late last night,
only to realize, it was done.
and now, with today and tomorrow off of work
i feel really good.
stupid menstrual cycle!

so I've been loving AMC Fear Fest lately!
AMC's been showing all these cheesy horror films
the days leading up to Halloween
and it is awesome!!
right now, I'm watching Jeepers Creepers 2
and I love it!!

also, been loving this other JR Ward series
I read book 1 "Covet" in like 2 days.
I'm almost finished book 2 "Crave"
I expect to be done with it tonight.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I need to get it all together
I feel like everyday I do nothing
I take another step backwards
I just want to do something that means something
I just need someone who"ll let me
I need someone who will give me the chance
I just need that chance
...and then everything will change.

2 days sick.  i miss having those paid sick days.  i really hate missing work.  i sure could have used that money.  and they probably think I'm faking it or some shit because they probably think I'm like out partying or some shit.  sadly, no.  I've been home in my pajamas for the past 3 days.  thank gods I have so many new books to read.  and being this close to Halloween, tons of cheesy scary movies to watch.  score. 

off to be miserably and nauseous.  at least I didn't get a fever.

this is so awesome, i totally would wear this!




( caution: "time of the month" talk )